The Top 10 Dating DOs and DON'Ts

It's officially summer, and you have a lot more free time on your hands. And for many, the summer is the season where young love begins to bud.

Romance is a beautiful thing. There is nothing like being in love. I can’t tell you not to date, or to stay away from boys like a good little Christian girl, because in reality, we’ve all had crushes, been attracted to someone, or have had an infatuation with some guy we’ve known. The truth is, the attraction that young men and women feel toward each other is natural and God created it that way from the very beginning; and so we should honor God with our relationships.

For the purposes of Girls to Pearls, our definition of dating is involvement in activities with the opposite sex for the purpose of building a relationship. When and how you date is first determined by your parents and your desire to do so, and whether or not there are any prospective guys in your life. Honestly, I didn’t go on my first date until I was well into college—not because my parents told me that I couldn’t date, but because I wasn’t that interested in dating. I was just this awkward little girl from Gary, Indiana. As it turns out, my first and only boyfriend ended up being the husband that God intended for me to marry. The point is, there is no timeframe for when a young woman should begin dating and you shouldn’t feel rushed or any pressure to do so.

Your Parents Really do Matter
The commandment that tells you to “honor your father and your mother” (Exodus 20:12) is more than a commandment about obedience, but is also one that calls for you to respect your parent’s wisdom and advice, because believe it or not, they’ve already been where you are now, and have a maturity that they can lend to your decisions. Not to mention, if you betray their trust, you risk having your freedoms being snatched away. Trust is hard to regain once lost.

No matter how mature you may be, your parents’ or guardians’ opinion does matter when it comes to dating at this point in your life. Ultimately, they determine if you can date a particular person or not. Your parents might initially hate any and everyone that you may want to date, but you have to understand that they’re your parents and are probably afraid of anyone taking advantage of or harming their baby girl. If he’s a great guy, they’ll eventually see that, and he’ll be okay with waiting until you get permission from your parents to date him.

Dating 101
Dating should be a fun experience, and does not necessarily have to be one-on-one. One-on-one situations tend to get too serious, too quickly. Just because you go on a date with someone does not mean that he is automatically your boyfriend either. Dating is simply a way of getting to know someone better. Going out with a group of girl and guy friends to the mall, go-kart riding, miniature golfing, the arcade, the pizza joint and bowling are all great ways to just hang out, and get to know your friends better. The strongest relationships always begin as friendships, and if it doesn’t work out with a guy, you still may be able to have a great friendship.

As your big sister, I don’t feel I have to tell you what to do and what not to do on dates. God has given you a conscience and you already know what is right and wrong, and what might lead to a bad situation. Just learn to exercise wisdom when dealing with your relationships because as long as you are living on earth, you will be tempted by something. We all are. But when temptation calls, will you answer or will you just hang-up, and move on. Bottom line: sex outside of marriage is not how God intended for us to live.

“Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.” (1 Corinthians 6:18)

Take your time. You have a whole life ahead of you. You will meet many different people and will learn many different lessons. Please don’t seek out doing anything that you will later regret. Many women end up in bad situations because of their desire to be loved and to give love, but know that the love of God surpasses anyone else’s love. God’s love for you is the most important love in your life.

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The Top 5 Dating DON’Ts

1. Don’t stop talking to and hanging out with your friends. They were there before you started dating and you will want them there after.

2. Don’t turn into someone else just to please a boy.

3. Don’t start disobeying your parents or guardians just to be with a boy.

4. Don’t let your schoolwork slip because you can’t think of anything else but dating.

5. Don’t tolerate disrespect or abuse of any kind (verbal, mental or physical) when dating.

SOURCE: Monica Green, Director, The Johari Project and Project Destiny

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The Top 5 Dating DOs

1. Do be yourself. If you try to be something that you’re not, it comes across to guys as fake. Know who you are,
what you like and what you don’t like. Having your own opinions and ideas makes for great conversation.

2. Do be safe. Always let your parents or whoever is responsible for you know where you are going and who
you’re going with. If you end up in a bad situation, you always have the right to leave immediately.

3. Do keep track of your curfew. Adhering to the curfew that your parents have set for you shows them that you
are responsible and becoming more mature.

4. Do have fun. Engaging in activities like laser tag, going to the mall, bowling, going to an arcade, going to a
concert or a poetry reading, karaoke, and ice skating are all great ways to have fun with friends because these
activities can help alleviate nervousness and can take the pressure off dates becoming too serious.

5. Do avoid risky situations. Dates involving drinking, drugs, sex and any other destructive behavior should be
avoided at all costs.